Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Veiled Threat, Part Two.

In a little less than a month, I am going to walk down a short, grassy aisle in a white dress and make some very important promises. Of all the details attached to this ceremony, there has only been one real disagreement: the music that is played during the aisle-walking.

Here are the options on the table.

1. Silence. This is the option favored by my betrothed. I imagine the sounds of sniffles, outbursts from guest toddlers, whispering and creaking chairs as I make my way toward the altar. Since I'm not going to deliver a eulogy, I'd rather have a little atmosphere.

2. Harp. This is the second choice of my opponent/life partner, because he thinks it would be amusing. I agree that it would be amusing, but since we're not going to film an '80s comedy where the harp gets upended by a loose pet or toppled into a swimming pool after a crazy mishap, I think the joke will be lost.

3. Classical Guitar. This is what's being offered by the ceremony venue. We are not allowed to have amplified music, which means no boombox. When I voice support for this option, I get characterized as a lover of classical guitar, as if I like nothing better than to kick back with some acoustic Bach or something like that. This is not true. I merely think the guitar option will be both pleasant and easy to ignore. "You KNOW I'm going to get shit for this from my friends," my poor fiance says. To me, that's just gravy.

As a way of making the whole affair less stilted, we're thinking about some musical alternatives for processional and recessional music. I, for instance, wouldn't mind walking down the aisle to an acoustic version of "Cherry Pie" by Warrant. Another suggestion was the theme to The Odd Couple for the recessional, when we face our guests as husband and wife. Any other ideas?


  1. What about an acoustic drummer banging out "Sweet Child o' Mine"?

    You need to throw your weight around here. You do realize you're the woman and you call all the shots, don't you? There is no equality of the sexes at a wedding. The man's input is limited to renting a tux and showing up. And frankly, that's why it's good to be the man.

  2. I like the husband-and-wife posting. From what I have heard and experience, being the groom means never having to say "I'll do it." You just have to get there and say "I do." Leading us back to the conclusion: It's my way or the highway, bub.

    WHY didn't I think of "Sweet Child O' Mine?"

    I am scared of a) nausea as described above and b) uncontrollable face-twitching.

  3. I am scared of a) nausea as described above and b) uncontrollable face-twitching.

    The key is to eat a solid breakfast beforehand (or is this an afternoon/evening deal?). Either way, ALWAYS get married on a full stomach. The reason KPC was white as a ghost and nearly lost it is because she had nothing more substantial than saltines and champagne in her gut that morning.

    This also goes for bridesmaids and groomsmen. At Daniel's I was worried one of the guys was going to go so I fed him candy out of our hotel room mini-bar. And it worked -- no one wound up on "America's Funniest Videos."

  4. Nuthin' could be finer than to be in Carolina in the moooorning... I haven't heard that since Bugs Bunny sang it in a cartoon. Mahvelous!

    I once went to a wedding with nothing but Diet Rock Star beverage in my gut and had the shakes pretty bad. Good times...

  5. i would suggest something but it would never be close to as good as "cherry pie"


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