Thursday, December 17, 2009

Actual Headlines From My Apartment Building's Newsletter, July/Aug 2009.

Happy Birthday, America!

Build Your Body Knowledge: Lymph Nodes

Zero-Dollar Vacations ("Take one day or a whole week to do absolutely nothing. Put on your favorite music and close your eyes. Don't clean, pay bills, go shopping, wash laundry or cook gourmet meals. Just truly relax." Presumably the authors would prefer that you take this vacation from paying bills in the first three weeks of the month, when rent is not due.)

Change Is Good -- and Healthy (Except, perhaps, when it comes to residences?)

Reduce Your Debt by Dining In

Fitness Tip: Skip the Cart (Golf cart, that is. My guess is this tip might be useful for 0-1 percent of this landlord's populace. The last time I saw a cart of any kind was at the P St. Whole Foods. It's true, however, that I did get a workout from skipping that cart and carrying my items in a handbasket.)

Parking Violators, Beware!

Up, Up and Away ("What would become the world's largest manufacturer or commercial aircraft got its start July 15, 1916 by William E. Boeing in Seattle.")

Oldies but Goodies (list of celebrity birthdays)

Know Your Lingo ("Jibba \jib-buh\ adj. Awesome, sweet or excellent." Interestingly, this definition is not one of the two meanings listed on Urban Dictionary.)

Geography 101: Mauritius

Monthly Celebrations (National Hot Dog Month, etc.)

Word Search

Sadly, this is the one and only newsletter I have received since moving into the building in June. The appearance of the newsletter itself was as random as its contents.

Music: "A Day in the Life"

2 Comments:

Anonymous KPC said...

That definition of "jibba" must have been from the author's teenager. "Mom, it means sweet or awesome. Get off my back!"

11:10 AM  
Anonymous Z said...

Man, this post is Jibba, yo!

This is like "Newsletters from the Criminally InSANE!!!!!" (read in 1940s radio announcer voice for the full effect...)

This is seriously awesome and weird! Perhaps even daring -- I mean, the author completely violated all expectations of delivering any useful information pertaining to living in the building, and instead took the Random Train to Factoid Town!

It's like a magical google search phrase that somehow pulled all these flotsam together.

I wish my building manager would tell me about my lymph nodes!

It's so wacky, I just want to keep typing stuff about it -- and that's only after hearing about it second-hand!

10:15 PM  

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