Sunday, December 14, 2008

Escaped Connections.

Several weeks ago, I began reading the missed connections section of Craigslist. The event precipitating this new habit will be related in a future post.

The environment on missed connections is hopeful and often sweet, though a bit more cynical than in the olden days, when seeking one's random lost love meant taking the trouble to dial up a newspaper and place a printed ad.

Are the people who post on missed connections starry-eyed romantics who believe in serendipity and love at first sight? Are they lust-struck people hoping for a hook-up? Are they embittered ex-lovers somehow brought to the point of trading veiled barbs in a public forum? Are they delusional misfits imagining "connections" that never existed? Yes! That's why it's so fun to read.

A typical Craigslist missed connections ad goes something like this:

Mrs Claus at Market & 3rd - m4w - 28 (downtown / civic / van ness)
You were part of Critical Claus? Marvin Gaye was playing as you swaggered over to me. You told me that you knew Santa and he said I had been a "bad boy" I just want you to know that I have actually been pretty good this year and I am expecting a lot for my efforts. For starters, I'd like your name and a coffee date. You are too cute and I was smitten. Drop me an email when Mr. Claus isn't looking.

The more tiresome ones involve people trying to resolve their relationship (and or breakup) issues:

i still think of you - m4w - 21 (USF / panhandle)
st
sometimes i still think of you and us. i wish it could have been different but its not.

And then, there's Donut World Man.



His first post was notable only because of his stated age:

outside donut world - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
you were standing outside of donut world tonight next to a bicycle. you were a strong, beautiful woman; standing there in the cold nights breeze, my goddess athena. i dont know if you saw me, i had a bandage on my finger, a accident when i was carving some wood. if you did see me, i would love to ride a bicycle fit for two with you.

A bit strange, but harmless enough, right? It wasn't until I went to compile his posts that I realized Donut World Man had been active multiple times per day.

On Dec. 7, the same day as the "outside donut world" post, he published two others (all pasted verbatim):

donut word tonight - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
you had a plaid hat, your dark skin radiated in the fluorescent lights. sadly sitting in the corner alone at donut world tonight, were you waiting for someone? i wished that you were waiting for me, but that would be too good to be true. no one is ever waiting for me, no one ever sits there longing for my arrival. all i want is for someone to be excited when i enter the room. but you werent, you remained in your corner as i got my coffee and chocolate donut and left. i wanted to say something to you. i wish i had.

You were leaving donut world as i was coming in - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
I think your big, beautiful eyes caught a glimpse of me as you were leaving donut world and i was entering. You were a blonde beauty, a little older in age; but there is nothing wrong with that. Every wrinkle on your spectacular face only added to your radiance. It looked like you had a family with you, perhaps your daughters and granddaughters. I saw no man, however; I need a woman like you in my life
I dont have a family I sometimes wish i did have one I gets lonely sometimes with out people around you too talk to
if you want to meet up,

So there it becomes clear that this is a very lonely and pathetic individual.

On Dec. 9, he posts three more ads that betray a bit more desperation:

donut world - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
i went to donut world this morning as always, there were a lot of women there but none of them spoke to me or even acknowledged me. they never do. why? i dont know. i just want to talk to one, i would like some company that is all

i guess she didnt want to talk to me - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
there was a girl who responded to one of my missed connections. she said she took a picture of me at donut world and was going to send it to me so i would know that she wasnt playing a trick on me but she never sent it so i guess she was tricking me. i dont think it was very funny i just wanted someone to talk to but i guess she didnt want to talk to me i dont know why

i saw you - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
i just want to talk all i want is too talk to someone why wont any one talk to me the are deer i scare away the deer there eyes they look with those doe eyes

And now we have reached the point where, if this were a movie, then the music would slow down and change to minor key. Dec. 10:

donut world - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
i am too tired to go donut world today besides i can never find any deer there. they are all gone. if you are the one with the big doe eyes i want to talk to you

alone - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
i just would like someone to talk to

i would like to go deer hunting this winter if anyone would like to join me

Okay? His most recent post is Dec. 14:

donut world tonight - m4w - 72 (downtown / civic / van ness)
you were drinking coffee alone at donut world tonight; i was too, but you didn't seem to notice me. as i was leaving, i gently splashed my coffee on to your lap, and your eyes glistened, like dew in a meadow at dawn. you looked like a deer in the headlights. i'm sorry i startled you.

coffee sometime? we could meet at the same place, same time, and i promise i'll keep mine in the cup.

When viewed separately, each of DWM's posts seem either harmless or crazy or both. But when taken together as a body of work, they seem like the thoughts of an individual who either has been, or will be, or should be, involuntarily confined. The bandage on his finger -- was it really from carving wood, or carving "deer"?

I wonder if I am the only one monitoring this situation.

Has anyone had a missed-connection experience? Please share if you have.

I am going to try something new: Each non-music-related post will have a companion song, for listening while you read or afterward, if you care to. I am going to sort of deejay my blog.

For this post: "The Wilderness"

5 Comments:

Anonymous Lindemann said...

I've had the experience of having my missed connection post flagged and deleted, for reasons unstated. It seemed reasonable (if farfetched...definitely farfetched) to post a missed connection for someone I had seen a few times while running, but apparently this offended someone in the wdc craigslist's delicate sensibilities. I did not try to repost.

"i had a bandage on my finger, a accident when i was carving some wood"

Ha ha ha ha ha, I bet he was carving some wood!

9:13 PM  
Anonymous Lindemann said...

BTW, it's unlikely that we will listen to the song while we read your post if you link to the song at the end of the post.

7:24 AM  
Blogger the wayward o said...

keep your eye on that bastard.

he seems shifty.

8:07 AM  
Blogger Christina said...

Good point about the "user experience" Lindemann, I ain't too bright that way. That is a crappy MC experience.

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats some funny shit..this post has me laughing out loud

11:49 PM  

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