Wednesday, May 20, 2009

They Report, I Decide.

Tidbits from my ongoing conversation with the media:

How Are You Coping With the Recession?
Mostly the fetal position and denial, alternately.

What Does Your Credit-Card Company Know About You?
Let me guess: too much? What do they know about you? Let me know. You're a newspaper and I'm an English major with no graduate degree. We both need the credit, man.

Do Men Need Testosterone Supplements?
Only the wimpy ones. I kid. I kid!

Repeal Don't Ask, Don't Tell?
Sounds good to me.

Does Jon Have a Date-Other-People Contract?
I don't know, does he? If so, I'll bet a lot of people will want his lawyer's number.

What Do Astronauts Do on Their Day Off?
Not sure, but I'd say they've earned a drink and a good wanking as much as the rest of us, if not more.

Why Are Doctors Such Luddites?
Everyone carries laptops around my doc's office. Where have you been seeking medical care, Ye Olde Hospytal?

Scenes, Sounds, Sonnets: The Next 400 Years?

Is Obama the 'Boss'?
Technically yes -- oh, I see you put that in quotation marks. Yeah, I can understand how you would confuse him with Springsteen, but no.

Are Spiritual Encounters All In Your Head?
Most things are.

Why Is Michael Phelps Tinkering With Success?
Because he's hungover?

(Headline credits, in order: New York Times, New York Times, MSNBC, CNN, ABC News, ABC News, CBS News, NPR, New York Times, NPR, Slate)


  1. this is great, very clever. what gave you the idea?

  2. Thanks, Hans. I started realizing how often I'd read a headline that was meant to draw me into a story but instead made me want to answer "yes" or "no" and move on. If anyone else has good examples, please share.

  3. Lindemann1:36 PM

    I am seconding the opinion that this is clever and funny.


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